Welcome K-fans to the Season Finale (FINALLY!!) My liver cannot take any more of the extra vodka required to get through this season!! Let’s get right to it.
Kim is having anxiety about the upcoming birth. She and Jonathon and Kourtney decide to time the trip to the hospital. It takes them 44 minutes to get there from Kris’s house. However, with Jonathon driving, Kim gets carsick.
Kim doesn’t look good here.
Kourtney tells Khloe that she and Kim and Kanye went out after Kris’s big birthday party. Khloe doesn’t remember 80% of the party – she was totally drunk. But she doesn’t feel guilty since she deserved to let loose. Khloe has cancelled a bunch of her book tours because she’s been spending so much time with Lamar at the hospital. But The Today Show has booked her – they are coming to her home. She is nervous. She knows they will ask about Lamar. But his condition changes every day. She explains to Natalie Morales about the cookie displays she has on the counter – since they are there all the time they are not tempting to her. (Okay, right, we have all wondered about those cookies, so thank you Khloe!)
She talks about her book — not one size fits all. You should be happy from within. Even if she only helps five people, it’s worth it. Now come the questions about Lamar. What would Lamar want her to say? (WWLD?) Making executive decisions about his situation is awful. She says she gets through it by talking to her dad (WTF?). She is also still talking about her lack of showering during this period – telling all America that she didn’t shower for 6-7 days. TMI. Life lesson: Live life in the moment. And family support is paramount.
Kendall is over at Caitlyn’s. Caitlyn said she was upset about being told not to come to the Victoria Secret shoot; but in the end she went, as did Kris and Corey, and it turned out okay. She tells Kendall she was proud of her – Kendall has fulfilled her dreams. (So she has peaked at age 20???)
Kendall at her Victoria Secret shoot:
OMG! She looks like Caitlyn!
Kim is over at Kourtney’s. Kim is pissed at all the people working on her house. The move-in date is now March. The lights are wrong, and that’s holding everything up. She can’t live in Kris’s house any longer. All the time she is yelling at her contractor on the phone she is eating.
There are no lights in my new house!
The main problem is you eat ALL.THE.TIME.
Kourtney is over at Kylie’s, literally saying Khloe is doing a post about how often she uses the word “literally”. Kourtney says she says it more when she hangs out with Kylie, literally. Kylie tells her she is going to Australia with Kendall – their clothing line is launching. But she’s annoyed with the Victoria Secret situation – since she didn’t go (because Kendall dis-invited her) everyone thinks she didn’t go because she’s the jealous sister. That annoys her, greatly. She says the family should just support each other always. (And forget what their wishes are?)
Why is Kylie always touching her boobs?
Clearly not a dog lover
A study in black and white
Kim is having lunch with Jonathon (eating again.) She complains how fat she is. She says she went to the doctor and the baby is already 7 pounds, which is unheard of. It should be 4 pounds at this point. (Maybe an additional three pounds of those cronuts she craves?) Jonathon about her house not being ready and why not move into their “other” house. She says they will be showing that house so they can sell it, so they can’t live there. Besides, she can’t live in that house because the closets were never installed. Jonathon points out that her clothes right now are in Kris’s garage. He tells her to make the hard decision and move out of Kris’s house — two babies at Kris’s house would be crazy.
Nothing sadder than an empty fork
Kendall and Kylie are in Australia at their clothing line launch. Kylie wants to explore the country. Kendall explains to the media that this collection (Forever New) is more mature than their earlier ones. The reporter asks Kylie how she felt about Kendall doing Victoria Secret. When the reporter mentions that Kylie was “banned” from the show, Kylie gets upset about that lie.
I’m NOT the jealous sister!
There is some weird conversation about Khloe having Botox, which she denies. Kourtney mentions that she went to therapy with Scott, and it was good. Kim questions her — does she want to work it out with Scott? Kourtney says she wants to work with him because of the kids. Kim is being a real bitch. Kim doesn’t want Kourtney to jump back into a relationship with him.
Back in Australia, Kylie is still pissed. Kendall wishes she would speak up. Kylie is snippy and rude to the media.
Vodka can help …
Guess not
Jonathan and Kim are touring Kim’s Bel Air house – her “other” house. Kim says it would be too hard to furnish it and move in now and get it “ready” for her and Kanye to live there. Geeze. What a privileged bitch. While she’s complaining about living at Kris’s, (too many people in and out), she says that moving to the Bel Air house is too overwhelming. Damn! Give her a REAL problem.
Kylie admits she is being passive aggressive towards Kendall, so she decides to explain to Kendall about her feelings. Kylie wanted to be at the show and support her. Now reading Twitter and all the news, Kylie is upset. Kendall says who cares what people think. Kendall is pleased that Kylie respected her wishes not to have the family there. They make up.
All these girls ever do is primp
Khloe says her smile now longer goes up – it is only horizontal. She asks Jonathan if sucking dick could make that happen. He says he wouldn’t know (!) She thinks it’s because of the stress from all the Lamar stuff. Lamar is leaving the hospital but needs to go to a transitional care facility. Where? Her house is not equipped to take care of him. She feels overwhelmed.
Truly the “Unforeseen Future”
If this is “Khloe Blow-y”, no wonder she doesn’t get any dates!
Kim is just back from the doctor’s. Khloe has to take off her boots for her because she is too fat to bend over. (Who put them on her I wonder.) Her feet are huge. It’s the pre-eclampsia. And the baby is breech. The delivery is scaring her. If the baby doesn’t turn in the next week she will have to have a C-section. She has high blood pressure and other complications, so she needs to deliver before November 23. There is too much drama for the family: Lamar, Scott leaving rehab, Kim’s baby being breech. Too much!!
In Australia, Kendall tells the media that she and Kylie work together on everything. They are like best friends…always. Now they can finish their appearances and go out and enjoy sightseeing in Australia. They have too much sister love right now.
Khloe is over at Kourtney’s. Lamar is having setbacks — now he can’t talk. (Kourtney stupidly asks: “You mean on Facetime?”) The doctors are disappointed with the lack of growth he’s having. He needs to go to a transitional/assisted living place. Khloe needs to find the best place. Kris is helping her. Or doing it all for her. Whatever.
Kim is at a dermatologist getting skin tags taken off – she says they are caused by her pregnancy hormones. (I think they are caused by her being F.A.T.) Her friends Larsa Pippen and Jonathan are there, too. They talk about Kourtney – how can she go back to Scott – she’s doing so much better without him. Dr. Lancer, the dermatologist, is getting rid of the skin tags. Good name for him. Kim asks the doctor about getting a procedure that tightens the vaginal canal – it takes about 45 minutes. Kim says Larsa should get it.
Now a chiropractor is over at Kris’s house helping Kim getting the baby to turn. Her spine is compressed because of the breech. There’s so much stress. Kris is worried about Kim and her stress.
What? Kris has a new condo? She was driving around and saw this place — where Kim’s grandparent’s used to live – so she buys it. Therefore she can be out of Kim’s way, which will reduce the stress. This will be good for all of them. (Seems like an expensive solution to appease one fat bitch.)
Khloe is doing a book signing in San Diego. This is the farthest she was been away from Lamar since all of his medical stuff happened. She has found a great facility for Lamar, or rather Kris most likely has. Khloe says she is committed to his wellness and to find a balance for her life, too.
Is this the typical clientele for Khloe’s new book????
Token ASS Shot
Kris is over at Kourtney’s. Scott shows up – he is home from rehab. Kourtney is conflicted. She’s proud of Scott but she doesn’t know what will happen. It’s very awkward. Kris leaves. Kourtney doesn’t know how things will go with him as they start to co-parent their kids.
I’m back!
Already bored with Scott
Kris shows Kim her new condo. Kim realizes how amazing Kris is and how thoughtful it is that she buys herself a whole new place so that Kim can fully take over her mother’s house to have her baby. How generous. Kim says that Kris is such a supportive person while Kim is so stressed out and Kim is so appreciative of her. Kris talks about how lovely her new rug is … when Kim’s water breaks all over it.
THE END.
So, what did you think of this episode and/or the entire, long long long season? Is Corey’s contract up? Will Kim lose her baby fat? Will Khloe get her normal smile back? Will Scott stay clean? Does anyone care anymore? Sound off in the comments below. Meanwhile:
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